Handling The Heart Of Your Spouse
God designed Marriage to reflect His Heart. He crafted this Institution to be fruitful and satisfying. When we face challenges in our marriage or points of contention, the enemy tries to come in to divide what God intends to be unified under His Power and Love. When tensions rise, it’s important to know that God is with you even before the storm began and He desires to get you through and to the other side. He is Peace.
Here are a few helpful tips on handling your spouse’s heart through the storms of life:
Know that God created you both. So go to Him first for instruction.
“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” Psalms 139:14 KJV
Know that God cares for you both and He Loves you and wants to see you prosper and excel as one unit. God, the creator of Heaven and Earth, created the Earth itself and every person in it – including your spouse. He also knows every intricate detail of your spouse better than you or anyone else. So if God created your spouse, and can number the very hairs on their head (Matthew 10:30) go to Him first for heart instruction, direction and insight on how to handle the matter. Your Marriage belongs to God and He’ll lead you on how to handle your spouse’s heart in every situation. Your spouse is not your enemy. Emotions may rise but remember to guard your words and allow God to lead your actions.
Submit To God first and He will direct your path.
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” Ephesians 5:21 KJV
If you’re finding it hard to submit to God and follow His Instruction in the small details of life, you’ll both find it challenging to submit to one another – especially during challenging times. When you submit your heart, actions and ways to God together as a household, you’ll find that He’ll lead your path and the storm will not tip your boat. As you follow God’s instruction, He will not cause your house to shipwreck. Choosing to allow The Word of God to lead your thoughts and actions when the waves and challenges of life rise will lead your home to good success. Decide together that fear has no place in your home – especially during seasons of difficulty. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
Choose to confess His Word frequently.
Fear will try to rule your thoughts in an attempt to navigate your home off course. Stand together as a unit and declare His Word over your situation and don’t allow fear to sink your ship. Let the peace of God rule within your hearts and rest upon your lips. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 KJV
Declare God’s peace throughout the day. When you choose to declare the Peace of God throughout your day and to choose to meditate upon His Word, you’re actively making the decision not to allow chaos and dissension to disturb the peace in your home. Allow the Word of God to navigate your path and to shine His Light upon your course. Be intentional and allow God’s Word to stay on your lips and within the walls of your home and heart. Choose peace over dissension. Be intentional to choose God’s Peace over surrendering to your emotions. When the waves of life try to tip your boat remember that it is critical to declare God’s Word over how you may feel in the moment. Your temporary decisions can cause long term damage. Your words and actions during a storm can veer your ship off course. It is critical to listen to your spouse before responding. Your response is critical – especially during a storm. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 KJV
Listen to get an understanding.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7 KJV
Before responding abruptly, listen to your spouse in order to get an understanding. When listening to your spouse ensure that you are listening to their heart and not simply their words. It’s important to understand your spouse’s perspective before you give your response. A premature response can lead to a misunderstanding and an unresolved misunderstanding can lead to strife, discord and plant seeds of bitterness. Your spouse wants to be heard and understood. Learn to put your feelings aside and listen to the heart of your spouse before you release what’s in your heart. Pray together and ask God to guide the conversation before either person speaks.
Your spouse’s heart is in the Hand of The Lord.
“The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.” Proverbs 21:1 KJV
God has the power to turn the heart of your spouse. When you pray, God can soften, lead and redirect your heart. When you’re going through a turbulent season of life, God can lead and direct your marriage to reflect His Peace and Love – even during the middle of the storm. Your spouse’s heart is in the Hand of The Lord. The Peace of your marriage is in His Hands. Your Path is directed and shaped by His Word – if you allow Him to lead you. Allow God to lead your heart and discipline your flesh by surrendering to His Word and not responding out of haste. Before releasing a response out of emotion ask God to heal, lead, guide and direct your heart and lead your response before speaking. Even ask God when or if it’s the appropriate time to speak to your spouse regarding a matter. Allow The Holy Spirit to lead your words and actions.
Soft Answers Softens Hearts.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 KJV
Before responding, consider your words wisely. Continue to give a soft answer when conflict arises. Practice this principle continually throughout your marriage. Respond with a soft answer that’s seasoned with Grace and Wisdom. Allow your words to minister peace and not division, strife, confusion and chaos. Your soft words can heal and minister to your spouse’s heart and position your conversation to gain understanding. An answer that’s given out of emotion can stir up and ignite discord within the walls of your marriage. It’s your choice to handle your words with care. Or you can choose to mishandle the heart of your spouse through self sabotaging words that stir up division and discord.
Renewed mind. Wash, rinse and repeat daily.
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:” Philippians 2:5 KJV
Ask God for wisdom on how to handle and navigate the storms and waves of life. Let His Word continually wash your mind and thoughts. In Matthew 4, as the disciples were traveling by boat, crossing over to the other side to reach their destination, a storm arose and the waves continually crashed into the ship. The disciples thought that the crashing waves were going to sink their boat, in fact, they allowed fear to magnify itself higher than Who was on the boat with them – Christ. During times of stress and discomfort focus on Christ. Allow God’s Word to navigate you through the storm. Rinse your mind with His Word. Choose to dwell on the Words of Christ. If Christ told you to go to the other side, then trust and know that His Word is secure and you will reach the other side. Do not allow the waves of life to strike fear within the borders of your ship. Trust God’s Word and speak to the waves of life.
“A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” James 1:8 KJV
Your waywardness and indecisive behavior , not to follow the Word, can cause your ship to sink. When handling the heart of your spouse and sensitive matters of the house – it’s important to choose what God is saying about your situation over what the enemy is saying. Whose report will you believe? Find scriptures throughout the Bible that pertain to your circumstance and stand on His Word – together. Be intentional and steadfast on what His Word declares about your situation. When you sway back and forth, deciding whether or not to believe God or to surrender to fear your ship becomes unstable. Your indecisiveness brings about self inflicted waves that can cause your boat to sink. When your faith is being challenged as a couple, choose to believe God’s Word over what the evidence may say. Remember God’s Word stands as Truth over what the facts may present. Trust and believe what God is saying together as a couple. Set a time to consistently pray together. A unified house will conquer any storm. Stay focused.
It’s time to make a choice.
“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15 KJV
Today you can choose a new path. Together as a couple you can repent and turn your hearts back to God – at this moment you can choose to serve God. Today, at this very moment, you can choose to let go of the idols of the past. When you surrender, you’re choosing to allow God to lead your heart, your home and even your marriage. Every part of your life belongs to Him. When you idolize your image, education, business, family, career or even your wealth you’re choosing to cling on to and worship temporal things over God. When you set your heart on temporal things (earthly things that will fade) instead of trusting in God, you’re setting your heart and your marriage up for disappointment and ultimately failure. When you idolize temporal things over God, you’re choosing to set your house up to continue in the wilderness cycle. To break the wilderness cycles of past, you must choose who you will serve, God or fear. Will you choose to serve the fear of the past and cling onto its idols and ideals or, embrace your future and walk in faith as a couple and fully walk in your God Ordained Purpose.
Let Grace season your words.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29 KJV
Corrupt communication can lead to bitter seeds within the walls of your marriage. Edify your spouse through God’s Word. Pray and release what God is saying about your spouse. Your Words can either minister to the heart of your marriage or erode it’s walls through vile communication. Watch and guard your words carefully. When you speak, ask God for wisdom to handle your spouse’s heart with Love and care. Season your words with Grace – even in intense moments. Remember your words can either edify or tear down. Seek Wisdom. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5 KJV Seek wisdom early and often. Seek God before the situation and conversation escalates. Pray and ask God to direct your language when handing the heart of your spouse. God gives wisdom liberally to all that ask. God wants to give you wisdom in all matters, even on how to handle your spouse’s heart. Together God will and can guide your footsteps, if you ask. You’re not in your marriage alone. God is with you and He has your back in every season. Seek God early even in the case of sensitive matters. Allow God to Grace you with His Wisdom to guide your heart, mouth and actions even through the storms of life.
Love covereth a multitude of sins.
“And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 KJV
Love covers. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 KJV Remember that God loves you and your spouse – unconditionally. God’s love is without end. Your capacity to love is based upon your experiences and expectations. When you have a relationship with God the Father and you’ve experienced His Agape Love, you’ll understand what it feels like to be Loved Unconditionally. In this Unconditional Love embrace with God, your Father, you can see that even in your sinful state that He Loved you and wanted to call you His Own and Save you from your Sin. He covered you even when you were yet in your sins. Jesus Christ is the only person that can rescue you and set you free from any bondage that you may face. Your husband or wife was not sent to rescue you or even to save you – they do not have the capacity to do so. Only Christ can completely wipe away your sins and forgive you completely. It is through Christ that we reflect His Love to our spouse. We are to Love our spouse like Christ – Selflessly. God will give you the capacity and capability to love your spouse by His Grace and your obedience. Cast down your past offenses and love your spouse through Christ.
Forgive the past.
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 KJV
God will give you the capacity and capability to love your spouse even beyond the pain and the mishandling of the past. When you understand and know that Christ has completely forgiven you and has set you free from the power and grip of sin you’re able to reflect The Love of Christ through your freedom. When you are in Christ you are truly free indeed. If you are not free how can you help others become free? In Christ, there is no more entanglement. No need to hold others hostage to their past sins – including your spouse. Set your spouse free from the imprisonment of sin, setbacks, past failures and mistakes. Pray Together.
God is with you. Be Blessed.