I remember the day that we fell in love. I remember the days that you would woo me. I was important to you. You made me feel special. You would sacrifice everything for me. You always made time for me. You would phone me more than once a day just to say, ‘hi’. There were times when I would receive a gift for no reason. There were times when you would take me out for my birthday or our anniversary. Husband, I remember the days when I felt loved and wanted by you.
Those were the days that were, but those days no longer exist.
Today, things are very different. Today, I live a nightmare and no longer a dream. I no longer know what love is. I don’t know when last or if I ever knew what it felt like to be taken care of. I always feel alone. Are you even in my life? Are you even my husband? Through all the pain of loneliness, I still long to have you in my life. My heart cries out to be part of you and you to be part of me. I don’t know how to express myself to you. I’m so afraid of rejection from you. So, I sit with these thoughts in my mind and heart, hoping that one day you’ll see what I am going through.
I remember our vows that we shared before God and others, that beautiful day, so many years ago. I try to remember how I felt that day or the look in your eyes, when you said, ‘I do’. But it’s all so far away. I want to remember that day but I can’t. I want to remember our vows but I can’t. If we shared happiness and joy that day, will we ever experience it again?
The days that our children were born, we shared more joy, but it seemed like it ended not long after that. We have children, but do they exist to you? Are our children aware that they have a father? Do you love our children? Do you think about the day when they will no longer be with us? Husband, you need to love these special angels, they need your love today.
Is it really you, or just your shadow?
Husband, if my life ends soon, I want you to know that I always had love for you. The last few years, you’ve become a stranger to me. I slept next to you and not with you. I ate with you but never shared a meal with you. I took care of you, like I would for any other person in this world, but not as my husband. I wish you would come back to me. You are alive but also dead to me. I see you, and most times I wonder if it’s really you, or just your shadow. I hear you, but do you hear me?
Husband, will you love me? Husband, will you take care of me? Please, have a desire to want to spend time with me. How long must I wait for you to return to me? Where have you gone and what has taken you from me? If we are made to be one, then why are we living separate lives?
Husband, sorry for all the questions, I hope that you will have time to answer them. Some marriages last for 40 years, other’s for only five, how long would you like to be married to me?
Let’s fix the problems, let’s move on and have fun. Let us seek to please each other and put the other first. Forgive me, husband, if I’ve wronged you in any way. Forgive me, husband, if I’m not who I used to be. My life has changed over the years. I have a desire for change in my own life and I know that you don’t have that same desire. Husband, as much as I love you, I do love God more.
I sit and wait for you
Husband, I hope that you will understand, that I need to have God in my life but I also need you. I try to respect you and submit to you but you never show me any love. We are intimate sometimes but there’s no passion, all I get from you is lust. Husband, I don’t want your lust, I want your love. Please give me your heart. Please be my husband, my best friend and my partner for life.
Husband, I’m very sad. If you haven’t noticed or pretend that you don’t know, I am ill. My health has deteriorated over the last few years and it doesn’t seem like I’m getting any better. My mind, my heart and my body cannot take any more pain from this relationship. Husband, if you don’t want me, then please let me go.
I believe that I can live without you but I cannot keep living like this. Please, stop hurting me. Stop disappointing me and putting other’s before me. My life is broken, and as long as we live like this, it will never be mended.
Before I end this note. I need to tell you that I will always be yours if you want me. I have put my life on hold for you. I sit and wait for you. Hoping that you’ll come running to me and hold me so tight that I’ll feel safe.
Husband; hope that you’ll love me soon.
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