The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering.” (Exodus 3:7)
I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and have audio and visual hallucinations, and delusions at times. According to the Mayo Clinic, “The exact cause of the schizoaffective disorder is not known. A combination of factors may contribute to its development, such as genetic links, brain chemistry, brain development delays or variations, exposure in the womb to toxins or viral illness, or even birth complications.”
Looking for answers
My mom had measles when she was carrying me and I could have a mental illness for this reason alone. After I was first diagnosed, I had an appointment with my therapist and asked her, “How often does this happen?”
“It just depends, some people once or twice, others…” she shrugged her shoulders.
“What happened to me?”
“This is not a package you can tie up with a pretty red bow!”
Right then and there I decided I would be one of the lucky ones and never have another episode. Then I decided I was doing so well I didn’t need my medications. I went on a bucking bronco ride where I had to be hospitalized at least once a year up until just the past seven years.
Once when I was feeling like I was the only person in the world who struggled with this, God told me, “You haven’t been afflicted with anything not common to man.”
God sees: There are worse things
I wallowed in self-pity until one evening during an episode, I was in the hospital, and my husband came to visit. “There are worse things than this.” He told me.
That night I dreamt about God and let Him comfort me with His words. “Peggy, there are worse things than this.” He repeated to me.
He also said, “I am protecting you. I will always protect you!”
My brain is diseased. So I am told. I am labeled as mentally ill but have had MRI’s that have revealed I have a fantastic brain it’s just overactive.
I have an awful affliction, but God sees my misery. The only healthy thing I can do is rant to God because He alone can handle it and solve it.