A typical scene in many households today would be a young married couple snuggled up together on the settee in the intimacy of their own home. Bizarrely, this is no longer a safe setting to pursue close, tender affection for each other. Scrolling down their phones, their private world is bombarded with intrusions. Perfected, carefully-manufactured, selfies of numerous men and women ‘competing’ for their attention, desire and admiration.
I just want to pose a question? Is it normal and healthy to have a constant stream of images flowing into your relationship that potentially stirs up dissatisfaction or lust? Is it normal to see your work colleague stripped down to bare essentials on her holiday in Ibiza? So, perhaps your wife is in her baggy leisure clothes, hair scrapped up, super casual and you’re flicking through seeing nearly every one of your female Instagram friends looking ‘perfect.’
In our instant, throw-away culture, there is such a shift to a self-centred demand for pleasure in relationships. Rather than a Christ-centred attitude of serving the other person. I can hear the groans at the mention of service! If the reason you married your wife was because she is beautiful and she makes you feel good, is she anything more to you than a fix?
If so, no wonder she has to compete with tens-of-thousands of other fixers. In a society where all sexual restraints are being cast to the wind, we look upon one another as objects to fulfil our lustful appetites. Displeasure, discontent and frustration is the constant fruit we will have to eat if our relationships are nothing more than shallow ‘I want you, I need you, satisfy the lust in me.’
We will never know true love in the essence of us if we are not willing to pursue a love that goes way beyond the superficial and one that is not ‘me’ centred. I am seeing so many lovely households being ripped apart by adultery, big time! These beautiful relationships, full of dreams and potential are being murdered because of a quick leg-over.
Please, please ask yourself, is the quick fix of lust worth the price of losing your wife’s heart and trust and having your beautiful children grow up without you? Think long and hard about it. One night with another woman – a sexual encounter maybe lasting just 15 minutes, could mean your kids lie in bed for the rest of their lives with broken hearts wondering why their family got ripped apart.
Don’t delude yourself saying they will get along fine without you. Their whole identity, value and purpose will be grossly challenged by your absence.
In a world where we celebrate body-beautiful and looking fit, there is so much more to a relationship than the outer plumped-up lips and pert figure. Real beauty is a constant loving attitude. Who is going to be there for you when the real life issues kick in? When you are sick, struggling, and not on top of your game?
Be a really fit guy on the inside and rise to the challenge of keeping your family together. If you knew a thief was coming to your home to seriously injure your wife and beat your kids up so badly that they would never recover, wouldn’t you do something about it? Would you allow a maniac to come into your house and release an explosive that would blow the limbs off your wife and kids?
Well, that is what you have let happen when you give in to adultery. Your whole life is being decimated and you have pulled the pin out of the grenade!
Are lust encounters worth it?
Proverbs 7 describes it well. Here we have a simple narrative of a young man lacking sense. He’s out in the evening passing a street corner in the black of night. There he meets a woman. This could be you on your phone hooking up with some porn site. But stick with me, because the principle is the same.
This woman is dressed as a prostitute and sly and cunning of heart. (These woman, driven by seducing spirits, are after your money, hearts and souls, guys. They don’t care about you) they are boisterous, rebellious and always on the wander. They lurk and set their ambush at every corner! So it goes on to say, ‘So she caught him and kissed him and flattered him’. Her perfume captivated him.
She promised delight and fulfilment. With her allurement and many persuasions she forced him to yield. With her saucy words she seduced him. But he is like an ox going to be slaughtered! Like a bird fluttering into a net! An arrow pierces him and the saddest thing is, that he didn’t know it would cost him his LIFE!
Guys, are the lust encounters really worth losing your life over? Wouldn’t being a real man mean choosing to honour, love and serve your wife and kids. How about cuddling up to your kids, praying with them and teaching them how to have great character, rather than flicking through your phone looking at a thousand perfected selfies!
Kerry Cole is the author of The Purple Veil and Exit Darcus which offer deep insight into the whole area of relationships. The veil represents the allure of ungodly relationships and how we must move beyond it if we want to be used of God.