Why is marriage communication so challenging at times and what can we do about it?
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Therapy Lessons: Marriage is a ministry
- Marriage is a gift that God has given to you both.
- Marriage is not bondage, nor is your wife a ball and chain.
- Marriage is a covenant established by God Himself.
- It’s not a place of imprisonment; it’s a place where the Peace of God can reign and flourish.
- Marriage is a fulfillment of God’s promise and accelerant of Destiny.
Biblical Therapy for Marriage Communication
The enemy, satan attempts to steal, kill and destroy the peace in your Marriage through corrupt communication. Your words are a ministry. “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” (Proverbs 15:23). When handling your spouse your words can bring forth life or death. Every word spoken against your house pulls down the walls of security in your marriage. The poison spoken through venomous words taints the faith-filled environment of your home and grants an opportunity for the enemy to have his way.
Your spouse is not the enemy. When you choose to emotionally attack your spouse, to “defend” yourself you’re actually self-destructing. “But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; a house divided against a house falleth.” (Luke 11:17). The home, the starting point and a portion of your kingdom, cannot stand when you carelessly tear down your spouse. Think of it this way, with every careless and negative word that you release over your spouse you pull down a brick of your home. “It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.” (John 6:63).
Let’s even take it one step further, before your words are spoken, what’s rooted in the ground of your heart? “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) Examine the ground of your heart and the fruit or thorns it bears. Decide to sow grace and reap peace in your home and in your spouse’s heart. In God’s Covenant of marriage, He promises that He’s actively with you both. God does not take sides. He wants you to engage Him. You say that you have Faith in a Godly marriage but your communication is harsh and is corrupt toward your spouse. Faith without works is dead. Intentionally decide to work on the ground of your heart to cut down the thorns that tear down your marriage. Guard your words wisely. He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. (Proverbs 25:28)
Tips to Handling Your Spouse with Care:
1. Systematic Prayer
How’s your prayer life? How often do you pray? Do you complain more than you pray? Often times, our prayer life, or lack thereof, is a direct reflection of your relationship with God and man. Decide to be intentional and diligent in spending quality time with God. Communicate with Him. Be intentional and set aside times to pray. Draw closer to Him, He desires to hear from you.
2. Pray With Your Spouse
Praying through the storms of life is important for the strength and the fertility of your marriage. Praying before a storm prepares your house on how to skillfully navigate the waves with God. You can start small by praying as a family together in the morning before work, before eating meals or even before you go to bed. You can even engage God through the Holy Spirit throughout the day, by praying quietly in your heavenly language.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3)
3. Spontaneous Prayer
Throughout the day in addition to praying for your spouse in private, call up your spouse and pray together on the phone. Take turns selflessly praying for one another. God wants you both to succeed. He is with you. God is for you. Trust God.
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