In February, my oldest child turned 18-years-old. In these 18 years of motherhood, I have just about done it all when it comes to staying at home and working outside the home. I have weathered the seasons of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty.
When my first two children were born 13 months apart, my husband was an assistant worship leader at our home church and this enabled me to stay home – and as a young 20-something, this was fabulous! Over the years as we moved on, my husband became the main worship leader at several churches, and I continued to stay home to care for our growing family and occasionally assisted him in church leadership.
During this season of my life, I will admit that there was something inside of me that yearned for a bit of “freedom” outside the responsibilities of home. But this yearning quickly vanished as I grew older and I matured in my understanding of the role and duty of motherhood.
At a certain point, I made the transition to working full-time outside the home – which at the time was a revolutionary move in my Christian community. On Sunday mornings, I could count on one hand how many of my mommy friends were working outside the home like myself. Realistically, it was actually more like one or two – I couldn’t even reach five. Making a transition like this is never easy for any family, but when you find yourself in the minority, it can be very lonesome.
One company I worked for had a Christian chaplain on staff to support our personal prayer needs and lead corporate Bible studies. Our company had a storage closet and the chaplain would occasionally use this closet to pray in.
One day I was in the storage closet putting away items after a meeting when I noticed a large piece of paper on the wall. I quickly scanned it and realized it was a list of everyone in our company, and beside our names was a note of prayer written by the chaplain. These notes all differed according to the person, and at first, I was quite touched by this gesture. I began to look more intently for my name – and when I saw it my heart just sank.
Beside my name the chaplain had written – “that she won’t turn her back on being a mom” or something similar to this.
To this day, I can still feel what I felt that moment when I read those words – it was a demoralizing, discouraging, and defining moment in my life. Once I (sort of) got over that, I began to feel rage, and I REALLY had to pray through the unction to give the chaplain a roaring speech on what he could really pray over me!
I wanted to share that moment with you in order to get to this – what this experience really showed me.
The Versus Debate
Ladies, we really have to end this cycle. If I have to sit, watch, listen, or scroll past any more discussions over epidurals vs. natural birth, formula feeding vs. breastfeeding, vaccinating vs. not, working vs. home – I may explode. Who cares? I have four biological kids (and 1 adopted) and trust me, at the end of the day, you can’t pick out which ones I had natural childbirth and breastfed with versus the ones I had an epidural with and formula fed. In the long journey of life, I have discovered that this stuff just doesn’t matter. As moms, we need to lift up our eyes and begin focusing on the eternal stuff that matters in and out of our homes that make the real difference. As women, we need to end the “this versus that” debate and shift into being supportive, encouraging, and uniting in our Christian sisterhood.
The Real Reason
What was disappointing to me about the chaplain’s prayer was the realization that he didn’t really know me at all and the thought that if he had this certain perception of me as a mother and a woman then I couldn’t help but wonder if other people did too. If the chaplain had only taken the time to talk to me about why I was working outside of the home, his prayer for me would have been completely different.
I do not work outside of the home as a way to get away from my responsibilities of being a mother. Trust me, working outside of the home is too hard for something that superficial. Working outside of the home is stressful. There are aspects of it I love and aspects of it I hate. I am always conflicted – when I am working I feel tinges of guilt because I am away from my kids – and when I am with my kids I feel guilty because I should be working. On the other hand, the work I have done over the years has stretched me and my faith. I’ve been able to travel to meet and work with some of the most amazing people! I’ve accomplished things that I would have never imagined I could have accomplished! It has made my circle of friends larger and my life is better for it.
It makes me a complete mom, because when I am walking in His will, I am walking in the completeness of me.
On good days or bad days, it really comes down to this: When I work outside the home or when I am in a season of being home I am doing it because that is what the Lord has asked of me. It is all about Him. I do not work for the glory of my paycheck nor for the glory of whoever I am working for. It is all for His glory.
I do not live by the Christian culture systems that we have created – I live by the will of the One who created me. I live in His Kingdom but yet also in this world. When I stand before the Lord on Judgement Day, I am going to have to give an account of what He has asked of me. At that moment, I want to hear: “Well done – good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:23)
