I am so overwhelmingly thankful for God’s transformative power in my life. He has absolutely consumed my life, brought radical restoration and transformation, and ignited a deep and unquenchable fire in my soul that has catapulted me into giving my all to God and following Him with all I have. My life is forever indebted to Christ Jesus, my Savior, my All, my Breath.
My life has been markedly changed by the love of God. My Beloved has rushed into my life like a flood, allowing me to experience His tangible love through various encounters, extravagant worship, reading His Word, anointed times of fellowship with believers, edification through prophecy and His beautiful gifts, and more. In fact, it seems as though everywhere I turn, God encounters me with His love, whether it is a simple reminder of who He is, or confirmations of His Goodness throughout creation, or Him sitting in front of me telling me how much He loves me. One thing is for sure: God loves thoroughly and incomprehensibly, with every aspect of His being. He is Love.
However, my life was not always filled with the love of God, with all its fullness and beauty and intensity. In fact, before knowing my Savior, my Jesus, my life was seemingly devoid of any form of true love. I hungered and thirsted for love, knowing it existed, but not knowing where or how to receive it. Love was all I wanted. And love was something I did not have.
“‘Come now, and let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool’” (Isaiah 1:18, NKJV).
I was raised in a country in the Middle East in my early years and moved to the States in my early childhood. Early on, I was sexually abused, which left me feeling abandoned, unworthy, unaccepted, and deeply starving for love. I felt empty, internalizing all my pain and directing it toward myself. From that point on, my life consisted of my desperate quest for love. This resulted in me searching for love in extremely unhealthy and destructive places. This led to me trying my hardest to be liked by my different friend groups, becoming promiscuous at an early age, and experimenting with drinking and drugs. Furthermore, after graduating from high school, I entered into prostitution; battled depression, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts; searched through various religions and New Age ideologies to gain some sort of comfort; threw myself into various detrimental relationships with men with the hopes of finally being loved; and, underwent two abortions which completely shut down my heart and caused protective walls to densify.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV).
Then. Then, at a point in my life where I was at my lowest point, feeling as though I would not know what my life would become or where it would lead if it continued along the same path of destruction, True Love found me. Simply and purely, there was an urging within me, captivating and engrossing, pulling me from the depths of my being, where I just knew that I knew that I knew that I had to go to a church. And without a question, I just knew that I knew that I knew that God was in a church. So I went. I began with a church very close to where I lived, going almost every day to simply sit in the sanctuary and pray to God. From there, I read the entire Bible as quickly as I could, completely consumed and absorbed by the Word. Through reading the Bible, I began to quickly learn everything that I needed to get rid of in my life, as well as everything I needed to adopt into my life. I was on a mission and nothing could stop me.
Subsequently, I joined a nearby church that was rooted in the Word and had Spirit-filled believers. It was the wonderful church community, Spirit-led life, and insightful sermons that truly helped me grow and prosper, leaving any aspect of my old life behind and completely throwing myself into the hands of God.
Now, I live each and every moment of my day in love with God, embraced in the goodness of His affection and adoration. The love that I was starving for my entire life found me. The love that I so deeply needed and craved. The love that I did not know existed. Found me. Me. Out of all of creation. At that moment in time. God chose me. Someone who was so completely unworthy. Someone who had nothing of interest. Someone who was devoid of life. He chose me. He redeemed me. He gave me Love, and everlasting life.
Looking back on my journey, I stand in complete awe of the compassion of God in my life. He took someone who was so broken, so torn apart by the world, so forgotten and defeated. And He lifted that person up and placed a crown on her head. I no longer suffer from what I battled with before my Beloved found me. I am no longer depressed, I am no longer downcast, I am no longer living to simply get through each day. I no longer lack a purpose. I no longer feel as though a dark cloud is over my head. Instead, I am filled with God’s overwhelming Love and Peace, captivated by the lavishness of His Goodness. And in His complete generosity and humor, He has given me a heart-stirring gift of holiness and purity. He has given me a purpose. He has given me a life. A life of love that I could have never imaged was possible. An abundant life filled with blessing and peace and intimacy with my Creator.
Today, right here and now, you may be in a similar place where I was. Not knowing love. Not knowing God. Not understanding your purpose or why you exist. Feeling as though you are just living every day to survive, just trying to make it through. I am here to say that Jesus is here for you. He is available to take your life and completely bring it to a place of redemption and transformation. You, my dear, are worthy. You are powerful. You are meant to have a wonderful life, filled with Love, filled with Joy, filled with Peace, filled with Hope. You are meant to grow and prosper. To live fully and to be loved completely.
If you feel a stirring inside and desire to completely give your life to God, I encourage you to say this prayer. However, I ask that you form it into your own words and do not follow it verbatim. In addition, let your heart experience the depth of what you are declaring, letting each and every statement hit the depth of your being:
Father God, here I am at Your feet. I need You. I cannot live without You. I have lived in darkness. And I have not known You. My heart hungers for You. God, I ask You to forgive me for my sins, for anything that has separated me from You, fully and completely uniting me with You. I understand that Your Son, Christ Jesus, died for me, was resurrected on the third day, ascended into Heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father. I understand that it was through Jesus’s sacrifice of Himself on the cross that my sins are forgiven, giving me the gift of complete communion with You. Jesus, I accept You as my Lord and Savior, completely receiving Your love, leaving behind my old life and following You with every aspect of my being, for all my days, forevermore. Holy Spirit of God, I ask You to come and fill me with Your life, with Your truth, with Your goodness, with You. Holy Spirit, teach me Yours ways and make me a radical follower of Jesus.
If you prayed that prayer and truly believed what you said, you are now a believer, a follower of Jesus Christ. I ask you to join a church that is grounded in the Word of God (the Bible) and is actively flowing with the Holy Spirit, through the presentation of true signs and wonders and Spirit-filled believers. I also deeply encourage you to get baptized through water immersion as soon as possible.
With all my being, I pray that all who read the words on this page are compelled to give their lives completely and utterly to Jesus, following Him and His ways with all they have. Father God, I ask You to show Your extravagant Love to each of these readers, giving them Hope, giving them Life. And God, I ask You to touch those who are already following You, bringing them into a deeper relationship with You and equipping them to spread Your Gospel throughout the world. Amen.