This is a mother’s touching story of how she faced seven miscarriages within only two years. They honored their seven angels through a family photo that includes them for the couple’s wedding anniversary.
Whitney and Justin Billings already have a 4-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son when they decided to expand their family. They didn’t know how much pain they would face with that decision.
Whitney suffered her first miscarriage almost the same time her IUD was removed. She was still hoping to grow their family but she had six more successive miscarriages in the following months.
“I felt empty inside. I remember reaching out to some girlfriends. To my surprise, their reaction wasn’t what I was hoping for. I left feeling more empty and unsupported,” Whitney wrote on her blog.
Newborn Babies Photoshoot
What mothers fear the most became a new routine for Whitney, getting pregnant only to lose her child. It was devastating, she felt alone and depressed. To make matters worse, she is a professional photographer and she often shoots newborn babies and maternity sessions.
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“Honestly, it was bitter-sweet for me. I loved the opportunity to hold these sweet, new and fresh smelling babies while I photographed them,” she wrote. “However, at the same time, I was bottling up the deepest depression inside. Holding it all in just to keep my professional status. Unfortunately, [it] didn’t matter what I did.”
Despite doing all she could to keep her children, doctors couldn’t explain why Whitney so many miscarriages within a year.
On her seventh pregnancy after her miscarriages, it was different. She felt the baby move, kick, and her bump was growing but when they went for a sonogram, they couldn’t believe what they heard.
“There’s no baby in there. I’m not getting anything and definitely no heartbeat,” the doctor said to her.
“I lay there frozen. My body didn’t move and all I heard was my little 3-year-old saying, ‘Where’s the baby, Mama?’ I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe this!” she wrote. “All I remember saying is, ‘No, I felt the baby kick’ and she replies with, ‘No you didn’t that’s impossible. There’s no baby there…’ I just picked up my stuff and left. Straight walked out. AND YES I did feel that baby move! Who was she to tell my body what I did or didn’t!?”
10th Wedding Anniversary
Two years later, on their 10th wedding anniversary, seven failed pregnancy and painful years behind them, the couple still hopes to grow their family. But this time they wanted to do it in a different way, they are planning to become foster parents.
To celebrate the breakthrough for their family, they honored all their “angel babies” by including them on a family picture. With the help of their friend Emily Grace who is also a professional photographer, they captured the most heart-melting photo!
“The one thing I did ask for was … photos. Family photos of course. I wanted a photo captured, to honor all of our babies we lost in the past two years,” she wrote. “I’m grateful for every single contraction I felt, the pain my body had to endure, the blood that left my body, and the emptiness I felt because it reminds me that our baby was real.”
“They are real”
Whitney also emphasized that no matter how long you carried a baby in your womb, they are your baby and that they’re real.
“I want people to know that being a mom of angel babies means my babies DID EXIST and they are real!” Billings tells CafeMom. “People have said, ‘Oh well you were only pregnant for six weeks, so it’s not really like a loss.’ THIS IS WRONG. No matter how far along you are, 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 27 weeks, that’s a little person you created living in your body. THEY ARE REAL!”
Reference: Billings Clan