Suicidal Woman turns on the TV. You’ll be amazed at what happens next!
Deborah Armin was suicidal while she cried her way through a TV broadcast featuring Joyce Meyer. Through the airwaves, Joyce was able to speak into Deborah’s desperate situation and God directly intervened in her life. He set her on a path of transformation giving her a heart to reach out to others battling suicidal thoughts. This is Deborah’s story.
I was suicidal the day I met the Lord in my living room in Palm Beach, Florida. I was watching Christian Television at the time and was trying to see the screen through my tears. Too many awful things had happened in my life that had left me without hope. I was looking for answers to make sense of life and all the pain I was feeling.
It felt like I was at the bottom of a black hole. I couldn’t make sense of things, didn’t want to socialise and was barely functioning in my business. No amount of alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, working out or spiritual mysticism could fill the gaping hole inside me. I just wanted to end the pain, and in my suicidal state, I cried out to the Lord, “If you’re real, I need you to come now. I can’t take anymore, ” and He did.
My whole world had collapsed. My boyfriend had tried to strangle me and I had just broken up with him. I was also feeling isolated as he had convinced me not to associate with my friends, a classic tactic of a controlling narcissist. Furthermore, being thousands of miles away from my family in England I felt so alone.
I had tried many different religions and especially new age/mystical practices, I was a Reiki master and taught guided meditation but these things could not console me. They did not have the answers. I was also looking for love in all the wrong places, thinking I had to be sexual to be loved. All these things together led to me being suicidal, and I was considering ways I could end it all.
But, that day in my living room in October 2000 I decided to say the prayer of salvation led by Joyce on TV. And, in that moment, when I cried out with everything within me, the whole atmosphere in my living room changed. The room filled up with mist, either that or my eyes were misleading me, and I heard a voice inside say “Come to me, I’ve waited for you, I’ve never taken My hand off you, I love you.” – such wonderful words of love and affirmation.
I found myself on my knees and then flat out, face down sobbing, yet aware that the Lord was above me, I could feel wave upon wave of what I could only describe as liquid love flow through me as He spoke into me. I have no idea how long I was there on the floor but when I got up all suicidal thoughts had gone and for 10 days I was on FIRE. I got baptised in the Holy Spirit that same day and started speaking in tongues whilst alone in bed a few days later whilst reading my Bible.
I couldn’t stop telling people about what had happened and I started attending church on a regular basis – Christ Fellowship led by Tom Mullins, a former American Football coach. The moment I walked into the old barn conversion where Pastor Mullins had started his church I knew that was where I was meant to be as I felt such a sense of God’s presence.
No Longer Suicidal – Now bringing a message of hope to others
Christian TV was massively helpful to my spiritual growth. That fateful day that I felt so suicidal, I’d been flipping through the channels and I thank God for leading me to Joyce’s series. So, I was impacted by the Gospel message via media long before I actually set foot in a church service and I think this is the same for many others.
Watching Christian TV I’ve often been encouraged by a word or scripture that directly spoke to my circumstances and I have found GOD TV particularly helpful in gaining easy access to some of the world’s greatest preachers that I otherwise may never have encountered.
Two years after this suicidal situation, I felt called back to the UK. I heard God say: “It’s time to come home, I have a work for you to do”, so I took a huge step of faith in March 2002, leaving everything behind in Florida, my thriving business, amazing church and friends.
Once in the UK, God gave me the title of the book I knew I needed to write to give Him the glory for saving my life. I just didn’t know the timing and left it in His hands. I was also called to Bible College and went to the London School of Theology from 2005 to 2008 gaining a BA in Theology.
Thankfully through all I learnt I’ve been able to walk free from the deception of New Age philosophy. I’ve learnt that Reiki is channeling an unknown spirit and we must never open ourselves up to any spirit other than the Holy Spirit. The Lord repeatedly warns us against having any other god in our lives.
The same can be said of guided meditation, we need to be very careful and ‘test the spirit’ to ensure we are not opening ourselves up to something spiritual harmful. It’s so important to always measure everything with scripture.
On My Way Home
Following my time at Bible College, I ended up in the Metropolitan Police, much to my amazement and it was whilst serving as a police officer that God impressed on me to start the book. I sat down after 12-hour shifts during the London riots in 2011 and wrote the manuscript of ‘On My Way Home’ which captures my journey in search of the God who I did not know.
I prayed for ‘divine appointments and supernatural encounters’ to get the book published and after a miraculous sequence of events, Authentic Media agreed to take on the title and I was overjoyed. However I was about to face some severe opposition. It seemed there was no way I could launch the book and keep my job. “YOU WON’T PUBLISH THIS BOOK whilst serving as an officer, Deborah,” my police inspector told me, “you’ll bring the Metropolitan Police into disrepute”.
Right as he was saying this though, I heard in my mind “Choose this day whom you’ll serve, you cannot serve both God and money”. I knew it was the Lord. I had become accustomed to my status of being a police officer and the salary that went with it, but, I had to follow God.
Today the book is published offering direction to all who have felt suicidal, hopeless or have been deceived through new age mysticism. I am now something of a street evangelist and online crusader. So many people are seeking answers in all the wrong places like I did, so I try to meet new agers where they are at whether at Spirit Fairs or online. We have to reach the lost both inside and outside the church.
My advice to you today, whether you are seeking or suicidal. Simply pray this simple prayer like I did: “God, if you are real, I need you to come now, I can’t take anymore.” And, He will.
This article was written by British author and speaker, Deborah Armin who is a graduate of the London School of Theology. Her book On My Way Home: One Woman’s Journey in Search of the Unknown God, is published by Authentic Media.