Have you ever felt guilty when you get angry and when you mention it to someone you trust, they say, “You are worrying about nothing…it’s okay to get angry.”, but your guilt remains?
You have the idea that you are judging, but you have no idea about what the judgment could be! You feel insecure. You feel like you don’t have a steady path to walk on when involved in a dispute, and when you do feel sure footed you land up hurting people. You feel insecure when you want to complain or do complain. It’s like you don’t know where your boundaries end and someone else’s begins. You try to minimize things but you get confused or confuse people. You don’t handle conflicts well. You jump around and land up conceding victory to those you have disputes with because the only emotion you feel is intense guilt. People think you are a people pleaser.
And you are sure they are correct.
So, how does one diagnose such a behavior pattern? One needs to understand the anatomy of a stronghold sin. So, how can we heal it? There are many forces at play here!
First, you are getting guilty for good reason. You are likely unaware of what causes the guilt because it is in your subconscious very likely learned years ago from parents or teachers together with Satan.
One thing for sure, you learned a behavior that sticks to the anger. But what could it be? Who taught you this? Jesus knows, so ask him… maybe? But you don’t hear God’s voice outside Scripture too well like other people do. Maybe getting books on how to hear God’s voice more clearly would help (I think this to be a healthy thing: try these two authors: Brad Jersak or Mark Virkler).
Fact is, I had the above diagnoses for years. People judged me as weak and rightly so. They didn’t listen to my words but they listened to the energy within me and wrote me off as a vehicle without meaning.
For sure, I had some friends who saw some beauty in me, loved me and cared for me. But I wanted to grow in love, grow strongly in love. If you look at the Bible for answers it points to Jesus and His Message. Not just a historical figure, but an ever present helper in times of trouble.
If anything be true, I was the worst of sinners. But I had faith in Jesus. I also had a huge mess in my heart, and branches piercing my spiritual vision. I needed very specialized tools to dismantle the strongholds of sin in my life. And as I searched the Scriptures, listened to the body of Christ and reasoned with God I started to learn how to confess my sins, repent from my sins in prayer and give up the sin attitudes deep within myself.
So, what caused my guilt when I got angry week after week? For me it was mixing my meanness with my anger. This marriage of meanness with anger was so well conceived that I could not see the meanness. But as God showed me more of what was in my heart, he brought healing to me with it.
Do you have this diagnosis? If you want healing, growth in love, to be a strong vehicle of meaning, not coming across as weak and with no self-respect. Check out my book called, “Dismantling the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil Within So Love Can Thrive”. It is found online at Amazon.
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