Tag:

Control

Surrender Your Tongue To The Holy Spirit

by John Mathai April 16, 2022

Our tongue is like a rudder that steers a ship. This small part of our body can set the whole world aflame. This is how powerful our tongue is. A tongue that can vomit venom can destroy and break to pieces what was built over a lifetime. No one can control the tongue without outside help. This is why God says that he who can control his tongue can control the rest of his body. We can curse or bless with our tongue. So our tongue is a powerful part of our body that needs to be disciplined. No other part has such power as our tongue. God spoke and created the worlds. We too can create through the words we speak.

Holy Spirit

When the Holy Spirit came He took over the tongues of men. How very telling that the men in the upper room began to speak in the tongues of men and of angels. This was a sign of surrender to the Holy Spirit. The men spoke and the whole world got touched by this shaking. Could this be what we need at this time? The world is in turmoil and we hear so much noise being spoken and most of them are lies or fake news. It induces fear in us and we tremble and shake through fear yet God wants us to fear Him and not man. The true fear of God will lead to peace and unity.

Surrendered Tongue

Today let us surrender our tongue to Him and let Him fill our mouth with His words of life. What a transformation will occur in us and around as we speak in the tongues of men and of angels. We will see healing and deliverance and many captives will be set free. Our words will carry a new sound that will penetrate the atmosphere and change it for good. This I believe is what prayer does. We pray His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Will we take this challenge and be part of the remnant that will stand in the gap and see the return of Christ?

Dr. John Mathai

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Control: Give It Up And Let God Take Over

by Joanna Flavin June 14, 2021

written by Joanna Flavin

My kids teach me a lot about control.

“You are not the boss of me,” my 4-year-old retorted back to me as I encouraged him to brush his teeth before school. I “calmly” replied, “Actually, I am. Until you’re 18.”

“No. God is the boss of me. God is the boss of everybody.”

Well, well, well! He wasn’t wrong. I was equal parts proud that he was absorbing something from Sunday School and our parenting, and annoyed that he was trying to pull the oldest trick in the book.

I know very few people who don’t want “control” of their jobs, kids, relationships, etc. As humans, we like to know what is coming. We like to plan, make decisions, choose. We like to “have it all together”. The thing about control is that it is an illusion. My 4-year-old was right. God is in control. He has a plan for each and every one of our lives. It often isn’t what we pictured, but it is our job to fully trust that He is faithful and will take care of us.

Control: A Parents’ Struggle

As a parent I often see myself trying to grasp on to something I can control. With three young kids, I often feel like I am living in complete chaos with very little control of the atmosphere around me. When that happens we start to spiral out of control and allow the negative thoughts to flow in.

We don’t want others to think poorly of us so we try harder. We tighten our grip. And what does that do? It doesn’t help. If anything, it makes things worse. It strains your relationship with your kids. They don’t see us as someone gently guiding or coaching them. They see us like a drill sergeant trying to dictate their every move. It pushes them away and their behavior is not better.

When we look at God as our Father, we can see His parenting style and use it as a guide for our own parenting choices. Is God a drill sergeant not letting us out of our chairs until we eat every gag-worthy lima bean? No. Is God standing over us wagging his finger because we had yet another emotional meltdown in the middle of Target? No. God is that still small voice in the back of our head. He is gentle, compassionate, and empathetic. He is ever so merciful and has grace unending. We fail Him every single day and He never leaves us. He stands beside us and helps us find our way. I don’t know about you, but that is the kind of parent, spouse, and co-worker I want to be.

Whose Story Is It?

I have read that we have to remember we are each living our own story. Our kids have their own perspectives and thoughts. They are living their stories just as we are living ours. Before we get upset and yell at them for not doing something they were supposed to do, we need to think about their story. Are we mad because we have 2 minutes to get to school and they are still looking for their lost shoe? Before we fly off the handle, where are we coming from? We don’t want to be late because we will look bad. But that’s our story, not theirs. They just really want that favorite pair of shoes because it makes them happy and secure. We can take a step back and see their story and gently guide them in the right direction.

God has His story for us. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5) He doesn’t take away our free will, but He allows us to have our own story. When we go off His path He doesn’t tighten the reins of control, yet He gently guides us back. It is our job to relinquish control and trust Him. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

When we open our hearts to His way we allow peace to fill us up. And trust me, it feels a lot better than trying to hold on to the tug-of-war rope of control with all our might.

June 14, 2021 0 comment

Faith Word For The Day

Has Knowing Jesus Changed Your Life?

by Henrietta Decruz April 6, 2021

written by Henrietta Decruz

“Therefore if any person is [in grafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP) Accepting the Lord is the greatest decision we have ever made. However, we need to ask ourselves how much we have changed since the time we met the Lord. Some believers have known the Lord for twenty, thirty, and more years, and yet they haven’t grown much in the area of faith and in knowing Jesus personally or studying His Word.

Yield to the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit has been indwelling within us and He has been working in us from the moment we received Jesus Christ as our Savior. He often nudges us in the areas that we need to change. The Holy Spirit is so gentle that a lot of times we barely realize how much we have changed. However, some of us resist this change and stifle the Holy Spirit from doing His work of renewal in our hearts.

Hebrews 5:12 speaks about someone who did not grow, it says, “For even though by this time you ought to be teaching others, you actually need someone to teach you over again the very first principles of God’s Word. You have come to need milk, not solid food.”

Knowing Jesus: The Way Forward

Let us examine our hearts. Are we hindering the work of the Holy Spirit within us? And are there areas in our lives that we haven’t surrendered to the Lord? Are there secret sins that we don’t want to acknowledge and areas of weakness that we would rather leave unattended? Do our lives reflect the fruits of the Spirit as mentioned in Gal 5:22-23, which is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

If we continue to live as we are doing now, will we bring joy to the heart of our Lord Jesus who will be returning for His spotless Bride? Are we true ambassadors of Christ? Are we obeying and following the teachings of Jesus or living in opposition to what the Lord taught us?

The Lord knows it is hard for us to let go of control and give our lives to Him unconditionally. For this reason, He gives us more grace to overcome. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness!” AMP

Be More Like the Father

If we have been holding back from surrendering our hearts to the Lord, and fully knowing Jesus, we need to repent for it so that He can perfect the work He is doing within us. Just human children often like to imitate, behave and look like their parents, God the Father also wants us to become more like Him and His Son Jesus.

Let us pray: Dear Lord, I am sorry for not yielding to You. Please reveal the areas that I need to change. I want to truly reflect Your heart, Lord Jesus. Complete Your work in me so I can be Your instrument of change and transformation. I want to be the new creation You want me to be. Lord, have Your way in me! Amen.

April 6, 2021 0 comment

Family

Release Control To The One Who Made The Whole World

by Joanna Flavin June 9, 2020

written by Joanna Flavin

My family is going through a big transition: we are moving. We aren’t going to move far, in fact, we don’t even want to leave our beloved friends or school district. But, nevertheless, we are leaving behind the first home we have ever owned. And we are leaving the house that we brought two out of our three babies home to when they were born, but also the first home any of our kids remember. The truth is, we need more space for our wild, loud, and crazy boys, and we are ready to make a new house our home. But, it isn’t without a little opposition and battle for control from our children.

Humans Love Routine

Most people I know don’t love change, especially big life changes. Humans thrive on routine, knowing what to expect, and familiarity. Small children especially love routine. It makes them feel safe and they feel like they know what to expect in a world that doesn’t always make sense to them (or any of us really). So, when trying to gradually reveal to our kids that we are moving, it hasn’t always been well-received.

First of all, they didn’t even understand what the actual concept of moving meant and they had a ton of questions. “Will we bring our toys? Will the house already have toys? What about our TV? Will we go to the same school? How will we know if we have friends nearby? How long will it take? Is the house going to be bigger? What about our furniture?…” And on and on. Once I quelled all of their concerns about whether out nor they’d still get to watch their beloved Netflix cartoons, and keep all of their legos, you’d think we were good, right? Wrong. We started clearing out toys they didn’t play with anymore, clutter that was better at taking up space than it was useful, and we chipped away at our storage area in the basement. And each step brought more questions and concerns.

Control In A Time Of Change

The most traumatic part of the moving process for my kids so far (and our house isn’t even listed yet nor did we find a new house!!!) is watching me donate household items or put things on our curb for free pick up. We sold our patio furniture and my five-year-old stood on the set, protesting while the new owners were trying to load it into the u-haul. Then when I tried to give away a small outdoor coffee table to a friend, my kids hid it in the backyard so he couldn’t find it. I basically had to pry it out of their hands. It isn’t the particular items that they are having a hard time with. Trust me, my kids don’t look longingly at patio furniture on a daily basis. It’s the fact that this house and the contents in it are all they’ve ever known in terms of the security of home. This big change and transition are triggering a lot of fear and doubt of the unknown.

As I watch my kids white-knuckling old, rusty furniture I can’t help but laugh at how silly they’re being. I think of how we must look to God when we try so hard to control things in our lives instead of giving control to Him. Of course, He is a loving, kind, gracious God so He would never shame us or laugh in our faces about our control issues, but the Bible is pretty clear that He is in control and we are not.

God Is In Control. Period.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26) The Lord cares about all His creatures and provides even for the flowers, birds, and other small animals of the Earth. Of course, He is going to provide for us. All we have to do is trust. Our biggest obstacle is letting our little brains think that they control things better than God can. We are driven by fear of failure, or fear of man and judgment, or fear of WHATEVER, so we try to take the reigns and do things our way. But God is bigger. ”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Let God Do His Job

When we try to think like God, and do like God, and control everything like God it sucks the joy out of life. And we put so much pressure on our lives to BE God. Let’s start relinquishing control, giving to others freely, taking the leap of faith (like selling your house with nowhere else to live yet), and trusting that God will certainly take care of His children. Just as He takes care of the grass in the field. He’s got this…

“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. “But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! “Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:28-34)

(And if anyone wants to pray my family sells our house quickly and finds a new one just as quickly that would be great and much appreciated!!!)

June 9, 2020 0 comment

Articles

All The False Jezebel Spirit Accusations Need To Stop

by Jennifer LeClaire May 13, 2020

written by Jennifer LeClaire

Jezebel. After decades of battle, this principality remains one of the most popular principalities on the spiritual warfare scene.

No matter where I go, people seem to have “trouble” with Jezebel. Even a nominal Christian I was sitting next to on a plane a few months ago was familiar with this wicked spirit. It seems Jezebel’s fame goes before her. I’ve written a few books dealing with different aspects of Jezebel, including Jezebel’s Puppets: Exposing the Agenda of False Prophets.

The Trouble With Jezebel

The problem is, though, that many discerning Christians don’t know who—or what—Jezebel really is. And this unfortunate misunderstanding is driving far too many false Jezebel accusations, ostracizing and wounding people who are not Jezebels at all. Indeed, labeling someone as a “Jezebel” is one of the most serious allegations you can make against a believer.

Jezebel hides behind the mask of manipulation and control but let’s be clear: Jezebel is not a spirit of manipulation and control. Jezebel is essentially a spirit of seduction that uses manipulation and control as a means to an end. I’ve said this many times, and I’ll keep on saying it because these misguided Jezebel accusations need to stop.

What Is the Spirit of Jezebel?

Again, the spirit of Jezebel is a spirit of seduction. How do I know? Because I’ve read Revelation 2:20. Jesus offered one of the strongest rebukes in the Bible to the church at Thyatira for putting up with this wicked spirit.

“But I have a few things against you: You permit that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat food sacrificed to idols.” (Rev. 2:20)

Jezebel clearly seeks to seduce and often works through teaching and prophecy. This spirit seduces the saints into idolatry and immorality. This spirit may use control and manipulation to do it, but ultimately Jezebel’s end game is murder.

If that’s not alarming enough, consider that all those who commit adultery with Jezebel will end up on a sick bed. Hey, those aren’t my words. Our sweet Jesus said it in Rev. 2:20-23:

“I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, but she did not repent. Look! I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds. I will put her children to death, and all the churches shall know that I am He who searches the hearts and minds. I will give to each one of you according to your deeds.”

Throwing Jezebel Bombs

I’ve been part of churches where people are labeled Jezebels shortly after they walk in the door. They are marked with a scarlet letter as controllers and manipulators who want to get close to the pastor for power and position. The reality is they may be controllers and manipulators, or they may not be. The real controllers and manipulators are more often, in my experience, the ones slinging the misguided Jezebel accusations.

An abusive church leader once said he saw a Jezebel spirit superimposed over my body and that I was in danger of giving myself over to Jezebel if I didn’t step in line with his wishes. I was certainly alarmed, so I submitted myself to several pastors outside that church for a thorough examination. One of the pastors asked me a startling question:

“Are you sleeping around?”

“No!” I exclaimed, not understanding why he would ask such a thing.

“Are you leading people away from Jesus?”

“Of course, not!” I said.

“Then you aren’t operating in a Jezebel spirit.”

That set me free and helped me see where the true Jezebel was operating.

Wounding Our Brothers and Sisters

Remember, Revelation 2:20. Along with “false prophet,” a Jezebel accusation is one of the most serious fiery darts you can throw at a believer. It implies that they aren’t a believer at all but that they are fornicators who will not inherit the Kingdom of God and false brethren who are purposefully leading people away from Christ for their own gain.

So, like the headline of this article reads: “All the False Jezebel Accusations Need to Stop”. And if you do happen upon a person operating in a Jezebel spirit, why not do what Jesus did and give them space to repent. In other words, try to help them get free instead of automatically chasing them out the door and letting the real Jezebel’s keep running around the church.

May 13, 2020 0 comment

Articles

5 Ways To Keep Your Emotions Under Control

by Karen Schatzline March 20, 2020

written by Karen Schatzline

So … I admit I … just like so many others … am a bit of a control freak. And I like to be in control of my circumstances and events and surroundings. I strive to have answers and a plan for everything. Can anyone relate? During this time of uncertainty, it is increasingly more difficult to feel in control due to daily changes in our world. It is imperative that we take a moment to take a deep breath and bring ourselves back to a place of peace. Peace is not an emotion, but rather a place we choose to reside in Christ. We CAN choose peace over fear even when things seem out of our control. One thing I know is that we may not be able to control what’s going on around us or what’s happening around the world, but there are a few things we CAN control.

Here are 5 things we can control during this out of control, crazy time:

1. Where we place our trust

Let’s take our faith to the next level. We must step into a place of trust. So we can trust God (see Isaiah 26:3) Faith is a result of my encounter with God, but trust goes a bit deeper. Trust is a result of God’s reputation and my relationship with Him. People are looking for answers, be the one who directs them to God, the one they can fully trust.

2. How we react to fear

I love what Winston Churchill said, “Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision.” We must not panic, but rather, use wisdom in our actions (see Proverbs 3:5-6). When we lean into God and listen to His voice, we will have peace in the face of fear. Fear is not the absence of courage; it is the embryo of courage. It is courage waiting to be awakened. Be the calm in the storm that directs people back God, the one who can calm them.

3. Choose to disarm fear through God’s word

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but power, love, and a sound mind.” We need to understand that God did not leave us defenseless. He gave us 3 very distinctive weapons to defeat fear when it attacks our hearts and our mind, He gave us power, love, and a sound mind!

4. Take control of our health

We can take care of our health so that we have the best chance of fighting off sickness. Use this time to connect with your family while everyone is confined at home. Spend time with your spouse and your kids. This is a great time to make good on those new year’s resolutions and work on your physical and mental health. Now is the time for us to model that we take care of every aspect of our lives…mind, body, and spirit. 3 John 2 says, “Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”

5. How we treat others

Sometimes, when we are feeling out of control and frustrated and have no answers, it is really easy to think we are the only ones going through difficult times. This is a great time to model and practice patience and self-control and compassion (see 1 Peter 5:8-9). Let’s remember that we are all in this together. We can be those who offer hope in the most difficult of times.

Control: Final Words

For all my friends out there who struggle, as I do, with control issues. Now is your time to shine. Stop focusing on what you cannot control and start focusing on what you can choose to do. Choose to rise up and be the voice of calm, the voice of clarity and the voice of hope and watch and see if it doesn’t become contagious. Let’s continue to pray as one body and one voice for our world to have peace and clarity and relief in the form of a supernatural intervention miracle for this virus to be eradicated. Let’s stand united and all work together to be part of the solution instead of the hindrance to our breakthrough.

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Read more about breaking fear and the three weapons to defeat fear in Pat & Karen Schatzline’s book, “Restore the Roar”, available at www.restoretheroarbook.com

Watch and listen to powerful messages by Evangelist Karen Schatzline by going to their YouTube channel, “Pat and Karen Schatzline” or click: www.youtube.com/RemnantMinistriesInternational

March 20, 2020 0 comment

Articles

6 Ways To Deal With Emotional Manipulation

by Jennifer LeClaire March 12, 2020

written by Jennifer LeClaire

Over the weekend, I posted a Facebook graphic titled “9 Sure Signs You’re Being Emotionally Manipulated.” Within minutes, it was liked and shared over 1,000 times and has reached well over 1 million people in less than a week. Manipulation must be far too common!

Gee, I guess manipulation is a big issue in the body of Christ. Of course, that’s not all that surprising. I imagine we have all run into emotional manipulators in our Christian walks and have been tempted to manipulate situations in our own right. You can find manipulation in homes, in schools, in workplaces—and in churches. Before we move on to the six ways to deal with emotional manipulators, let’s look at the sure signs in the original post:

(1) People give you ultimatums; (2) People use tears against you; (3) People give you the silent treatment; (4) People play the victim; (5) People make you walk on eggshells; (6) People guilt you; (7) People skew the facts; (8) People twist your words; and (9) People suck the life out of you. If you want more explanation on each of these points, watch the video at the bottom of this article.

What Is Manipulation?

Ultimately, manipulation—which Merriam-Webster defines as “to manage or utilize skillfully; to control or play upon by artful, unfair or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage; to change by artful or unfair means as to serve one’s purpose— is a form of witchcraft. Witchcraft is a work of the flesh listed in Galatians 6.

Listen to Jennifer’s podcast on this topic: How to Deal With Emotional Manipulators.

Be Alert

I’ve fallen victim to manipulation more than once. When you believe the best, it’s difficult to believe Christian brothers and sisters would tap into a controlling spirit in attempts to put you under their thumbs, handle you or otherwise direct your actions. But it happens—and it happens too often. We need to learn, then, not only to discern when people are manipulating us but how to stop the manipulator from succeeding in his nefarious maneuvers—and how to make sure we’re not tapping into this work of the flesh ourselves.

In addition to the nine sure signs in my graphic, you will eventually discern manipulators because resentment will strike your heart. You may feel like you’re extending yourself far beyond your natural boundaries to help them—but they aren’t there when you need them. What the manipulator wants at any given time always seems more important than what you need.

emotions

6 Ways to Deal With Emotional Manipulators

So how do you respond? How do you break free?

1. Repent. Ask God to forgive you for coming under a false authority. Yes, we are called to walk in love (see Eph. 5:2) and prefer one another (see Rom.12:19), but that doesn’t mean we have to allow someone to make us emotional slaves. There’s a difference.

2. Forgive yourself. Once you see the manipulation, you’ll probably be angry with yourself or feel dumb for falling into the emotional manipulator’s trap. Forgive yourself (1 John 1:9). It can happen to anyone. You’ve got a kind, loving heart, and you believed the best.

3. Learn to offer a diplomatic “no.” Emotional manipulators may get angry when you stop catering to their every need and stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be mean-spirited when you decline to submit. Just politely but firmly tell them no. Like the Bible says, let your yes be yes and your no be no (Matt. 5:37).

Parts 4-6

4. Ask push-back questions like: “Does this seem reasonable to you?”; “Are you really expecting me to do this for you?”. Many times, manipulators will back down. Other times, they will argue their case. Like Paul told Timothy, don’t argue back (see 2 Tim. 2:23-24).

5. Deploy a time buffer. When the manipulator asks you to do something for them that’s unreasonable, use these four words: “I’ll think about it.” This is less dramatic than saying no and can help you avoid the manipulator’s wrath. A soft answer, as Solomon said, turns away wrath (see Prov. 15:1).

6. Confront the manipulator. Just like a bully on the playground, emotional manipulators sometimes need to be confronted. God did not give you a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind (see 2 Tim. 1:7). If you hope to save the relationship, the manipulator needs to be made aware of his tactics and given a space to repent.

If the manipulator will not repent, it may be time to cut ties. Often, emotional manipulators create soul ties with their victims by finding their weaknesses and ministering to their needs before they start making demands. Other times, as in marriages, you can’t always cut loose. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to bless the manipulator with a revelation of His love and truth, and ask Him if you should stick it out or break ties with your manipulating friend.

March 12, 2020 0 comment

Articles

Letting Go Of Control

by Navigator Jo November 29, 2019

written by Navigator Jo

Control is not difficult to understand as a concept. It is also important to governance in life in general. However, history is riddled from start to the present with the wrong use and abuse of control. Throughout history you read story after story of one individual over another, one organisation over another and one nation over another.

There is no such misuse or abuse in the Kingdom of Heaven. However, ungodly control has become deeply in embedded in leadership within much of the Church. It is so familiar to most of us and so entrenched that is remains largely unchallenged and unaltered.

Jesus is the model

It is time to eradicate the control of one person by another in God’s family. We all acknowledge the lordship of Jesus. He is the only one with the right to exercise “control.” Yet, interestingly, He chooses not to impose or demand but only ‘invite’ us into relationship and partnership with Him. What do you think that demonstrates?

In case you think this is not relevant to you and is a challenge solely for those with a “position”, status or title within organised Church – it’s not! All of us have some influence with others so it all applies to each of us too. Consider who you influence and how?

Ask Holy Spirit to show you! First, are there any situations or relationships in your life where you are controlling another? How can you change that? Second, are there any situations or relationships in your life where someone else is “controlling” you?

Choose love

As believers we are asked by Jesus to love each other, to empower one another, to honour and serve each other. If you are in a position of influence then you are also called to facilitate others “coming to spiritual maturity”. Nowhere within His family can we justify control or manipulation of others – the means can never justify the end.

How can we break this tendency both in our own hearts and collectively as the family of God? By choosing love, just like Jesus modeled. Love trumps everything!

– Navigator Jo

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November 29, 2019 0 comment

Faith Family Lifestyle

Parenting Breakthrough: I Am Not Responsible for My Children’s Happiness

by Marina Magdalena November 3, 2017

written by Marina Magdalena

Marina Magdalena hosts the Mum Show on GOD TV which aims to provide a grace-filled, soul-searching look at being a mum in today’s world. In this post Marina shares a parenting breakthrough she had recently.

At any given moment I can have a child sulking because they don’t have a particular game they want, and another in a grump because it’s too wet to go on the scooters – and that is ok. I can have a child in a bad mood because they are over tired and another grouchy because it’s just been a long day – that is also ok! We can have an amazing day out and on our return have one in a temper because of how loudly their sibling is breathing, whilst the other one is cross that they don’t have sufficient leg room in the car. My children at this point are not happy, and that is ok! How many times have we, as parents, spent money on our children we cannot afford, or permitted boundaries to be broken because we feel responsible for our children’s happiness? Well, I am officially alleviating myself of that pressure right now – from here on in, it is not my job to keep my children in a perpetual state of happiness!

Happiness, like all emotions, will come and go like waves. My job is to teach my children to surf these waves and not be overcome by them. I do not get to orchestrate what waves come next, how long for and in what order. I cannot follow them around making sure their happy tanks are overflowing – and neither should I! Happiness is an emotion often idolised by humans, with huge time and money devoted to the pursuit of finding a happiness that lasts. Yet with all this chasing after an elusive sense of “happy”, we can separate ourselves from the ever constant source of Joy.

Nehemiah 8:10 says: “This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

The Joy of the Lord is not determined by or given from the world. It is not created, removed or reshaped by external factors. It is not an emotion or switch that can be flicked on and off. Joy is the understanding that Gods love for you is all-encompassing and unconditional, it is knowing that nothing you do will make him love you more or less, it is being both fully known and fully loved. If I want to help my children grow strong in joy, I need them to know that they are wholly loved, accepted for who they are and that no matter what they do wrong, there is always a way back. I need to show them God’s grace when they mess up. I need to take time to discover how I can best demonstrate my love and be curious about who they are and what makes them tick. And when they are happy, that’s great! And if they’re not, joy will be their strength.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not for a minute suggesting that we walk around avoiding happiness! In fact, when God parents us with joy, he actively encourages us to couple it with celebration. For instance in Esther, “There was joy and gladness among the Jews, with feasting and celebrating.” Esther 8:17, or King David’s proclamation in Psalm 27, “At his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord” Psalm 27:6. Heaven itself is prone to a good party,

“I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Luke 15:7

Our joy in the Lord is a transaction of the heart, but the bi product of this transaction is an environment of celebration, praise, singing, eating and getting together. This is the part where, as parents, we can become culture creators of joy. We can set a table for our families to enjoy feasting at, we can celebrate each other, even when there is seemingly little new to celebrate. We can sing, dance, play sports, bring out a board game, tell stories, try new things together to cultivate a sense that in this family “we do joy!” Whilst we cannot be our families source of happiness and ensure they have every want or desire, we can create homes that celebrate life, that notice blessing, that give credence to fun and permission for our time together to feel like an occasion. Proverbs 17:22 tells us, “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” The word of God reveals not only the strength that comes from Joy, it even signposts us to the health benefits too. Sometimes having a giggle is all we need to change our thinking and re-energise our hearts, and it is the same for our children. So whilst I’m shaking off the chains of being my family’s source of “Happy,” I do plan to become a greater nurturer of joy. From today I plan to be silly, be fun, go on adventures and let life-giving laughter be rich in my family’s DNA!

The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm. It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper. Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

November 3, 2017 0 comment

Faith Lifestyle

I Started Living in Freedom When I Let Go of Control

by Hayley Tearall July 7, 2017

written by Hayley Tearall

Human Control Is a Lie

We were never designed to be in control

Originally, God was in control of this earth, and then the Fall (which was actually humanity’s first attempt at gaining control!) led to the enemy having power over this world. Aside from the fact that obviously Jesus came to exercise His full power and authority once and for all, I want to focus on the fact that humanity trying to take control is one of the biggest pitfalls in our walk with God, trapping us in a cycle of destruction that can only be stopped when we choose to hand back control to our Creator.

At age 11, I was diagnosed with depression. This was something huge that felt out of my control, and I started to try and ‘control’ these suddenly overwhelming emotions with self-harm. Fast forward through my teenage years, I began suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, insomnia, dissociation, and started drinking a lot. Now, when I think about it all, there’s a common link between all these coping mechanisms, behaviours, and biological protection methods (subconscious coping mechanisms). They are all a form of control:

Self-harm: an attempt to relieve some emotion by releasing endorphins
Insomnia: this began as one thing I could control, then my body decided to start following my control
Alcohol use: my response to feeling out-of-control when dissociated, anxious or low
 Dissociation: my body’s escape method when things became too stressful and overwhelming
Anxiety/panic: my body’s fight-or-flight response to perceived danger/threat, worrying

Interestingly, a stay at a residential programme, away from all the stress and in a place of safety, allowed me to explore my own emotions and behaviours and come to this huge revelation:

Whenever I felt anxious or low (unsafe), I craved danger (for me this was in the form of destructive coping mechanisms). The reason I craved danger instead of safety (the more obvious and appealing choice) was not because I actually wanted it, but because the fact I already felt unsafe (perceived danger) meant that if I actively chose danger then at least I was remaining in control of what was going on. Or so I thought.

Obviously, this is a lie, because it led to me being more and more out of control. Actually, whatever you use to control something, often controls you.

But anyway. I realised through this revelation that in fact, I was never meant to have control, and what I really needed was safety, not danger. When I accepted this, I felt worse for a season because it meant giving up all the things that I had used to attempt to control and alleviate my emotions. But upon doing so, and letting God become my Safety (which He 100% totally is, there are hundreds of Bible verses to back this up), I found freedom.

Freedom to no longer strive for control but to let God, who in the perfect blueprint design of the earth originally had full control, take back the wheel and steer my life into His perfect plan. Let Him take your hand through the difficult times, the challenges and the times where danger is real. Trying to sort your life out yourself creates more of a problem than there originally was. Giving up control to Him doesn’t guarantee an easy time, but it makes it easier than our attempts to control will ever make it.

July 7, 2017 0 comment