When Hurricane Maria hit my island in 2017, I lost a lot of my faith. I, an owner of a little online ministry, a bold follower of Christ; always reading my Bible, serving, seeking to further the Kingdom of God with no reserve… However, I lost my faith, the most important thing to me.
It felt like my whole life was over. God was so distant. The past no longer meant anything, my future held confusion, and my present vacant of all hope. I could feel nothing, think of nothing. I was lost in a vortex of emptiness. I tried praying but no words would come. I couldn’t talk to my Beautiful One, my precious Friend Jesus and I didn’t know why.
I was silenced. Despite an inner knowing that God was reaching out to me in this disaster, I couldn’t move. I was stagnant and just wanted to remain where I was, because I had no strength to do it. To get up and go to Him. I could not. I felt I was dying.
Almost two years later, I am still in this dark cloud of uncertainty. I still feel silenced. And no matter how much I try to get out of it, I seem to only drown further. It’s hard to pray. It’s hard to read the Word. It’s hard to do anything. I often just want to run away. To keep running and never stop. I don’t want to consult this pain, this thing that hangs over me every single second of the day. I just want it to cease.
Though it seems like my wick is barely burning, willing to die out completely, I have still tried to persevere and not give up the good fight. It has been so hard, but I am determined to find Jesus, my Master, because I know He is worth it. No, I have not arrived yet; I cannot tell you that I am better now and life is okay, because it wouldn’t be true.
But what I do have is the determination to continue to go to the feet of Jesus until this cloud leaves me. Until I have victory, I will not cease to read the Word and believe God is talking to me, and has not given up on me.
I don’t know where you are today, what it is that you are drowning in, whether it be a family problem, financial stress, health concerns, or hey, even PTSD from a natural disaster… All I know to do, is to encourage you to keep going. To not stop going to the feet of Jesus.
There might be times when you don’t want to read His Word, moments when you have no words to pray, days when you do not even want to get out of bed and live. It is okay, friend. Because God will find you. He will come and He will rescue you.
It might not be immediately… it might be a long time before you see the light again… but the Lord is never late. He will come to you. He promises this in His word (John 14:18). He will defend you. He knows where you are… He will reintroduce you to His love and put you back together. Don’t stop going to Him. He will come for you.
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:18)