I was thinking about how I wrote books – THREE of them in the past three year, now a series – telling my story and subsequent healing journey, and I STILL feel like my story is messy. STILL messy. I was wondering if I would ever NOT have a messy story.
JUST A CRACKPOT
I think not. I mean, a pot that is broken and put back together, STILL has visible cracks. Ah. I still have visible cracks. I am NOT broken anymore – THAT is true, BUT I have the effects of having been a broken pot. From broken to cracked – from useless to useful – from ashes to beauty – from shattered to restored. So, yes I wrote three books to chronicle my healing journey- the last one being where I got to write a new ending! Yes, I have and AM still healing. And yes, I will always have visible cracks to remind myself of God’s redemption and putting me back together. You know – like Humpty Dumpty.
“These scars aren’t pretty
But they’re a part of me
And will not ever fade away
These marks tell a story
Of me down in the valley
And how You reached in with Your grace
And healed me.” (“Scars” by Mandisa)
Stories are messy. Pots are cracked. And it is okay. Every story matters. Every pot carries light shining from – cracks. The thread weaved through my books is less about my story, and more about who Jesus has been TO me, IN my story. HE is the light.
EVERY MESSY STORY MATTERS
My newly published book “Still They Speak from Beyond The Bolted Door” is a very generational book – connecting ALL of our stories past/present and future. Every story matters, and this book is a collection of the stories of ancients as well as those living in 2023 – reminding us that NONE of our stories are finished until ALL of our stories are finished. And surprisingly enough, pretty much EVERY story has been messy, in one way or another. God knew that. Already.
It is eye opening really, when you realize finally and completely, that God was never asking you to serve Him without knowing exactly what He had to work with. I didn’t see myself as a published author. I for sure didn’t plan it or expect it or even anticipate it. I know NOW it was always HIS plan – to take an imperfect cracked pot, and use it for HIS glory.
GOD IS LOOKING FOR OUR YES
He wasn’t looking for perfection because, well – at the end of every day we are still gonna be human. Humans are NOT perfect. And yet, somehow – we expect ourselves and others to be just that. NOT possible. On my best day, with my best of intentions, and my ducks with their hair slicked back all in a row and standing in formation, I am still going to fall or fail or at the very least – flail. I think finally I am at peace with my own humanity. God asks us to come to Him as we are. It is the authentic and honest turn of our heart TO Him that He is looking for. And then, voila – He works THROUGH us.
It is a privilege to make peace with our past mess, and be able to leave solid honorable clues behind – whatever that might look like for each person. What an utter relief to find healing so that generations to come will find blessings instead of curses, and will have a crumb trail to follow to find purpose, faith, and hope.
“I see it on the cross
The nails You took for me
Scars can change the world
Scars can set me free.
They remind me of Your faithfulness
And all You brought me through.
They teach me that my brokenness
Is something You can use.
They show me where I’ve been
And that I’m not there any more
That’s what scars, that’s what scars
You show me that’s what scars are for.” (“Scars” by Mandisa)
STILL THEY SPEAK FROM ETERNITY
The journey might play out differently but the goal is the same – to get everyone home to heaven. Hebrews 11:39 & 40 tells us: “These (our ancestors) were all commended for their faith, yet NONE of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for US so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”
A perfect God with a perfect plan, working through imperfect people – how perfectly imperfect. I get it. I can stop beating myself up now. I am SO okay with being just a crackpot. Because it is NOT about the pot or the cracks but ALL about the light shining out FROM those cracks.
From the halls of eternity still they speak, cheering us on to embrace reckless courage to finish the race against all odds – not just for ourselves, but for those who were here before us, and for those who come after us. We must.
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