Raising teens Archives

I am a youth worship director, and today I wanted to talk to you, and also a mom of a 16 year old, and I want to tell you today, three tips that I’ve found that really help to grow healthy teenagers that really always love and serve the Lord for the rest of their life.

So my first tip is to remember that they have a lot of emotions in their bodies, and sometimes they don’t always show up on their face. So sometimes when I’m talking to a teenager, I won’t even know that they are being so moved by the word of God, or by the worship that we’re doing, or by the verse that I read to them, or the word that I gave them. They are stone faced and they are not giving me any feedback, but I know that the Lord has spoken it to them. So I’m faithful, and I say the word, and let me tell you, I can’t tell you the number of times that they’ve come back to me and said, “Thank you for sharing that. When you shared that I was going through X, Y, and Z, and it broke things off of me.” So don’t get discouraged if you don’t see the reactions in the way that you think you should. Don’t get discouraged. Keep going, keep sharing with your kids, keep pouring into them, even if it’s not your kid. Even if it’s just a teenager that you know at church, pour into them.

My second tip for you is that teenagers need to feel empowered to make decisions. Because if they wait until they move out of your house before you ever let them make any decision for themselves, even if it’s the wrong decision, they are going to always feel like they can’t make great decisions. So empower your teenagers to make great decisions, give them your knowledge and wisdom, but let them make mistakes. It’s okay. We all fail, we all fall. Let your teenagers make mistakes. Now obviously, take it with a grain of salt, because we don’t, you know, let our teenagers do things that could harm them or other people, obviously. But when you have a good kid and, you know, most of us do, honestly, most of our teenagers just really want to love the Lord. They just want to feel empowered. So I want to give you that tip today. Empower your teenagers to make good decisions.

And the third thing that I wanna tell you, is that encourage your teenagers to get connected with other kids that love the Lord. This is so hard sometimes to find the right community. But if your kids constantly feel isolated before they enter into the world, they’re not going to know how to look for friends that are strong, that are healthy, and they’re not going to have a support system. And just like we need a support system as adults, our teens need a support system.

So if there’s a teenager in your life, I want to give you a challenge today. Any teenager in your life, maybe it’s somebody that you know at church, maybe you’re a teacher and it’s one of your kids in your class. Maybe you’re a parent and it’s one of your actual biological children. I want to encourage you today. If there’s a teenager in your life, write them a handwritten note with a word from the Lord and hand it to them. And I want to challenge you to ask the Lord, ask the Lord for that breakthrough, ask Him for that blessing, and ask Him to show you the testimony on the other side of handing somebody an encouraging word in the middle of their day.

All right. Thank you, Jesus for our teenagers. Thank you, God that we all grow. We all go through these periods of time where we’re growing and learning. And I thank you that our teenagers are after your heart. We thank you for Gen Z, Jesus. We thank you for Gen Z and the creative nature of who they are, for the people that they are, for the heart that they have, for creativity and for adventure and excitement. God, we bless those things in Gen Z and God we say thank you for putting them in our lives to actually teach us how to keep it young and how to keep it fun. And we choose today to bless a teenager in our life. God, we pray blessing, outpouring, encounters, and moments with God, that they would undeniably know who you are, and that they would lead a generation of people to the Kingdom of heaven. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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1#: Engage In Spiritual Activities Other Than Church

Not to be a buzzkill, but going to church on Sundays and praying over your meals is simply not going to cut it, if you want to raise strong Christian teens. Unless your kids have the advantage of Christian school, or homeschool, they’re most likely surrounded and encompassed in worldly atmosphere filled with unhealthy influences and faithless people for most of the week- minus the two hours of church and handful of hours we’re able to spend together as a family. Teens need more consistent spiritual nourishment. Here are some ideas:

Pick one night a week to watch a sermon or series geared towards teens. Make this as fun and relaxed as possible, by incorporating snacks, making a fire, extending bedtimes so this feels less dutiful and more of a treat. My son and I enjoyed Francis Chan’s teachings during high school, but there are tons of good preachers/sermons out there if you Google around.
Have family prayer time once a week. This doesn’t have to be long. Just maybe a 15-30 minute meeting once a week after supper or whatever works, sharing prayer requests and praise reports as a family and then taking turns praying. This might feel award at first but praying together is super bonding, and creates one more opportunity for your kids to stay connected to God, and the family each week.
Join a ministry or volunteer together a few times a month. This can be a soup kitchen, joining a church ministry like the AV or childcare teams, joining a life group, going on a family mission trip once ever summer, etc

#2: For Teens It’s All About Their Friends

In my fantasy world, there’d be free Starbucks, no such thing as crows feet, and we’d all have the magical ability to select our kid’s friends. Because frankly, it can be terrifying meeting your son’s new “friend” Jenny, with a shockingly consistent flare for fishnets and hooker heels. Sigh. We all know a teenagers’ peers have the greatest influence over their decisions, attitudes and lifestyles. So naturally, the more sway we can render their social life, the better. Making sure your teen stays involved in your church’s youth group is the obvious piece of advise. If they’re hesitant, I’ve never been above bribery, in matters of the kingdom. :). And if that doesn’t work, try sending them along with another Christian friend’s youth group, or encouraging them to invite a friend to theirs, to be more comfortable. We’ve literally switched churches when our kids got connected with a “better” youth group. Other than that, all we can do is make sure to monitor our kids social activities.

When the kids make friends with “non-Christians” (it’s gonna happen!) always make sure to meet the parents before they ask to hang with a new friend, and of course hacking into their phones/tablets/ithings on a regular basis is a must. Our kids know their phones will continually be checked without warning, just to give them that extra sense of accountability (for a great article on regulating your kids’ phones read here). When they do make close non – Christian friends, encourage your kids to invite them to youth group (most have social nights where it’s less preaching, more recreational) and make sure to constantly communicate with your teens about the importance of living above reproach (i.e. swearing and looking up trash on their phones, etc.).

#3 Lead by Example

This is perhaps the most difficult and frankly unpleasant : ). There is no better lesson than the one led by example. None. Ugh. This can be difficult for the best, squeaky cleanest Christian parents. None of us are perfect. We all have our moments, and our downfalls. Unfortunately the kids are always watching, and listening. Like little domestic narks, haha. They’re paying attention to everything from the language we use on our conference calls, to the tones we use with our spouse. And how we handle ourselves under times of stress, exhaustion and irritation. They’re observing how much we drink, how we treat strangers (even the slow driver ahead of us on the way to work…”sweet Jesus, do you have NO where to go, buddy?!”) what Netflix shows we have on when they come downstairs for a snack… “PAUSE…I SAID PAUSE THE KIDS ARE COMING!”…and on and on. In my opinion, older kids are the best accountability partners on the planet. We can’t really tell our teens to live wholeheartedly for the Lord and answer “no” when they ask us whether we tithe. Or quote Matthew 6:33 every day when they haven’t seen us reading the Bible in months. Let your concern for your kids spiritual well-being literally spur you on towards holiness.

#4: Be Proactive About Tough Conversations

I’ve always struggled in the area of communication. I hate awkward talks and I do anything to avoid conflict. But this weakness can be disastrous when raising kids. So alas, I’ve had to evolve. Because if we don’t talk to our kids first whether about sex, our views on marriage and gender issues, even our political ideologies and issues like being pro life….the world will get to them first. They’ll hear lies, twisted truths and agenda-driven propaganda through school, their peers, college, colleagues, etc. We live in Connecticut, so you can imagine the quandary. I was literally un-invited to a jewelry party when I posted about Trump a fear years back. Alright that one was a win but the point remains relevant. I’ve learned not to assume our kids will know and understand what we believe (and why) just from attending church and observing ancillary conversations about our beliefs when they hear us shouting “Amen!” to the Fox News commentators. I also think it’s important to have continual one-on-ones with each teen….just to check and and see how school, friends, activities, and just general life is going. It might feel forced and unproductive (especially with sons.,..good Lordy the silence) but if nothing else, they’ll feel valued and cared about.

# 5 Praying For Teens

This sounds like such an obvious tip, but I’ve so often found myself either not praying daily, period (I repent!) or just simply forgetting to pray with power and specificity over the spiritual lives of each of my kids. We sometimes pray for immediate concerns or needs…help my son get into college, or make more friends, or play well in the playoff, or overcome struggles with self-esteem…but forget to pray for the ‘big picture’ necessities daily… like staying close to the Lord, overcoming impure thoughts, lustful desires, being drawn to the world, etc. I’m sorry to the gents out there, but there is no better prayer warrior than a fiery mama for her kids. We all of the gift of intuition when it comes to our kids and I believe each of us has a special ability to intercede over them daily. In a way, it works two-fold, because this kind of daily prayer life perpetuates a close and consistent prayer life of our own, as well.

Teenagerhood is full of unknowns: bouts of moodiness, annoying swells of attitude and so much more that no amount of advise-seeking can prepare us for. It’s a wild adventure. It’s also a vital and precious window between child and adulthood that we can’t afford to squander or just army crawl through ambivalently, hoping they’ll turn out all right. With the Lord’s help, we’ll get there. Despite the occasional eye roll. xo

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Raising teens

Parenting Teenagers

5 Ways To Help Your Teens Remain Close To The Lord

1#: Engage In Spiritual Activities Other Than Church

#2: For Teens It’s All About Their Friends

#3 Lead by Example

#4: Be Proactive About Tough Conversations

# 5 Praying For Teens