sex before marriage

“He who loves with purity considers not the gift of the lover, but the love of the giver.” – Thomas Kempis

The Culture

I recently talked to a group of college guys about our culture’s obsession with sex and its effects on our generation. After listening to one guy exuberantly shout (for what it seemed like an eternity) trying to prove his point that our society is “idolizing sex,” I just sat back to  process what he was saying. The initial assumption, of course, is that because our culture focuses on sexuality, we’ve placed sex on a pedestal and elevated it way too high. However the truth is that our culture has brought sex down way too low! 

Bringing sex down too low would be saying it only holds physical significance for a moment. However, keeping sex in its rightful place would be to understand the spiritual significance of sex in and of itself. 

When we lose sight of the spiritual significance of sex and we decide to indulge in feeding our temporal craving, trading our purity for a “Netflix and Chill” night. Hmm, I can say by experience that’s so not wise.  When anyone assumes that sex is just a “physical thing,” they cheapen God’s original intent for sexuality and it devalues the sacred act.  “Believe it or not, the first step in maintaining sexual purity is embracing your sexuality because it is a precious gift from God.”

The PURITY

Kim and Devin, college sweethearts who had never been apart for more than a month, found themselves ready to get married one summer during their sophomore year in college. Upon getting engaged and their relationship looked so promising, they decided to make their relationship complete by having sex to celebrate their engagement one night after a movie. They cautiously reasoned, “It’s okay to begin a sexual relationship; we’re already married in God’s eyes anyway.” the guy murmured. 

The sad part, this couple never made it to the altar. Their fantasy of safety and commitment had no real foundation; it was a mere illusion. Jesus Christ wasn’t the foundation now they must face the ramifications that come with sinning against God. 

Have you been here? Have you known someone who has? This is serious business! The last thing we can say – is that God condones casual sex. Whenever we choose to act on our sexual desires outside of God’s guidelines, we disregard the true purpose of something so sacred. Yes, sex is wonderful, but it’s not so good when it’s outside of the context of marriage. 

Sex is like a fire. When you light a fire in your fire place, it can be a wonderful thing — It provides warmth, light, and energy in a contained space. However, when you take the same fire and place it outside the proper context (in the middle of the living room floor), it flames up the whole room… Out of control and leads to crazy damage and destruction. 

The Control

Therefore, wherever you are in your walk with God right now. I would like to encourage you to stay pure.  You are worth much more than some mutual agreement to use each other as mere sex tools. God makes it clear that we are in control of our own body in a way that is holy and honorable. 

 “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,  not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.” – (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6)

Therefore, let’s be encouraged to control our passions, to hold our sexuality in high regard to not only protect ourselves and others but to honor God. We are made in His image and we were bought with a high cost the Bible says. 

Maintaining your purity isn’t only about doing what is right, but it’s also about doing something that is good for you in the grander scheme of God’s plan for your life. The great part about saving sex for marriage is also about respecting your partner and giving him or her the dignity they deserve. 

Jesus said, “If you loved me you would obey my commandments.” Meaning by knowing Him and loving Him in a personal way we will wholeheartedly desire to maintain our purity both internally and externally.

“We would also love Jesus the same at 2 pm after church on a Sunday as we do at 2 am after a date on a Saturday.”

Here are some scriptures you can meditate on that may help you:  Proverbs 7:4-5; Isaiah 55:8-9; Ephesians 5:3; and Song of Solomon 2:7.

A Purity Prayer for you:

Lord, give me the strength and the wisdom to set boundaries and maintain a sense of control in this tempting area of my life. I commit my whole heart to Jesus and your ideal purpose of intimacy. Thank you for being such a gracious Father and forgive me for all my shortcomings. Lord Almighty keep me pure for Your Name Sake. Amen!