Why would anyone self sabotage themselves? The definition of Sabotage is: “ to deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something), wreck, deliberately damage, vandalize, destroy, obstruct, disrupt, cripple, impair, incapacitate.”
Why would anyone deliberately seek their own destruction? Guilt and shame from sin and failure. THAT is why. And THIS is the foundational reason WHY God sent us a Savior.
In Need of a Savior
We cannot save ourselves. I repeat – we cannot save ourselves.
Without Jesus we stand guilty and we hang our heads in shame at our failures and sins. “For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not die but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to be its judge, but to be its SAVIOR.” (John 3:16-17)
Okay – so what if you are already a Christian, but you failed so enormously that you feel like you are still not completely worthy of saving? Most people have a particular thing that comes to mind if you were to ask them what is their biggest failure or biggest regret? It is that ugly green slime ball in the bottom corner of a dark, musty basement. It is something they hope will remedy itself or just go away. But they know it is ever present. It can be something that was intentional, but it can also be something that was unintentional – either or can start an avalanche of consequences that threaten their very existence. The guilt and shame are too much. Sadly this happens more than anyone would care to admit –
Guilt & Shame
The guilt and shame together become a VERY loud voice. It is filled with actual truth, but also half truths AND lies. I visualize this as a sort of monster. It has to be big – bigger than you so that it overwhelms you. It has to be intimidating – so that it creates confusion and drama. It has to be tinged with actual truth so you can’t deny the guilt. Once you give a place to this, the rest goes down rather easy. You see your guilt – you feel the shame – you see the repercussions – you see the consequences – and it is just TOO much. From there, you are distracted away from the very reason WHY we were given the gift of a Savior.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)
You see, Satan and his demons can NOT be saved; can find no redemption. His ultimate lie is to convince us that WE cannot be saved either. Then starts the self-sabotage. At this point, Satan has done his work. He presented to you your own failure/sin and the consequences you caused. Now he just leaves you to your own shame; the hell hole he just created for you to wallow in. Voila. Self-sabotage/self-harm, and for some the hopeless choice of suicide. If you finally can’t bear the weight of your own sin, where else is there to go? I clearly remember the night I entertained all these thoughts – I have been saved since I was 4 years old, but in one night I was presented with such a sly destructive presentation of my own failures, that I for a moment I took my eyes off my Savior. I remember finally collapsing into a hopeless ball, admitting that indeed I did not deserve to go to Heaven. And looking back I absolutely KNOW that THAT was Satan’s goal – to reveal to me my guilt, to drown me in my shame, and then to kill me of my own free will as payment for my sin. Whoa. I almost forgot my sin (ALL of it) was paid for in FULL. I almost forgot I had a Savior.
God is Bigger
Except that I didn’t. I didn’t forget.
I got to the edge, but the reality of my Jesus became BIGGER than every truth and half truth and lie that I had heard. It finally became ONLY about Jesus and His saving grace for me. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
Yes, I still see my failure – I still see the consequences of it – I still weep over it – I still don’t see a favorable outcome – I still am haunted by things I have no control over – I still live in fear and trembling of never hearing “Well done” when I think I have not done well – but then I remind myself I needed a Savior and I have been given one! He came and saved me from myself. It’s by His grace that WE are saved.The free offer is for us ALL!
In order to stop self-sabotaging yourself and intentionally or unintentionally continuing to punish yourself, you need to have a one-on-one with your Savior. He took our punishment to become our Savior! Laying down everything broken and shattered, and saying NO to guilt, shame and self-sabotage – then saying YES to forgiveness, hope and a guilt-free future!